Tired!!!

You know the feeling of being responsible for others' emotions?? Of feeling like the person who controls the moods of others..Yeah in a way it is sorta flattering..Yeah in a way it makes u feel special...really special..But just for those few moments..then it plain SUCKS!!!seriously...Kinda makes me feel like I am just here to please people and guard them from hurt..I mean WTF..I aint some Super duper beyatch n i dont particularly like to go about huting people..But,hey i like to live life my way..I like to wanna be able to talk to any friend i want whenever without thinking some ones feeling left out..I like to wanna do what i want without thinking of saving others of hurt..I like to wanna think of me sometimes too..
Lately it does seem like i am here to guard people from hurt..Its like i am deprived of my own choices..N that sure sucks for some one as outgoing and free as me..
If i slept off early,coz of which i dint pick your call...I have to deal wid the "y u ignoring me?" bullcrap!
If i wanted to spend quality time with a friend who was a lil upset...I have to deal with the "you dont care to say bye!!" nonsense!
If i wanted to stay home and study for a test instead of meeting up for coffee..I have to deal with the "you dont have time for me" drama!
If i am just off mood..for whatever reasons..sometimes nothing is wrong..sometimes its just the PMS n the hormones acting all weird n grumpy..I have to deal with other people getting blue coz i am..and i am made to be the one councelln instead of the reverse...
Dammm dammm pakao..
I feel tied down inspite of being single..
suxxx...m TIRED!!

A few lines about the real Meee!!!

1. When you tell me something, n i dont really have a reaction, it doesnt mean i believe or agree with you..sometimes i just dont see the point in reacting..or wait..m like tooo sleepy!!

2.When i walk away and choose not to talk about it, its not that i give in or agree with you, its that i find it totally useless to even argue with you or i dont wanna ruin the relationship or i m a disaster at emotional convos which honestly go no where!

3.when i get all frustrated and sorta disconnected, dont start the "anni, you've changed. you weren't like this ever. you were very nice. what happened to you huh?" along with a shocking disbelief look...owh c'mon...a person is bond to break down sometimes rite ? A nice person is allowed feelings(good bad or ugly) na??

4. There's a fine line between being hurt, and letting people hurt you. Glad to have redefined this line..makes me stronger:)n yup more in control..

5.Too close for comfort is scary scary scary!!

6.When people tell me they know me better than i know myself i feel like going 'ahahahahhahaa u r down right dumb..shhhaaapppp!!' in the face...but,courtesy prohibits ya:(

7.Although i think no person can be totally bad or totally nice..this one person i am convinced has nothing nice..sshheessshhh!

8.THE ONE has to be some one i can look up to,be myself with,someone who can handle me super maturely,not an emotional screwup and yes assertive(but lets me have my way too:))

9.Being a girl..mood swings are bound to happen..so stop aksing me a million times wats wrong.....n that line 'uv changed!!' use at ur own risk :)

10.I am a closet eater:P or wait i mite be becomin one!!

Bass Yuu Heinnn!!

Lately gotten myself into this semi-Hindi mode(that should explain the last two titles)..n yupp i am Loving it!! Well G thinks my hindi is bad and i am a drama queen..but i think he is mad and his hindi is nonsensical:)Soo kudos to meri hindi and Boooo to his!!:P

Lately I hate NNFS pracs and MOTI!!!! in one word they are plain TORTURE..Those stupid learning rules..Like i care man..how is it ever gonna help me in any freaking way..U know i think these lameass MU practicals have made me detest coding upto an extent..To give coding a chance-accenture is gonna be happening in a few months for a while atleast:)

Lately I love this song-summer wine by nancy sinatra!! haii meh mara java!! kyaa lyrics:) super super sexy music..makes me wanna sing along toh pucca..nt to mention do d sexy ballroom dance wid *ahem ahem*

Lately seems like someone has gifted me this box of patience..so it seems..Cool na??being a Typical arian thats a blessing in disguise:)I dont seem to care about stupid petty people and their even pettier issues..ITS MYYY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!(go bonJovi)

Lately I think i am letting myself experience things that have been blocked out for a long time now..eMoTiOnS..n its not too bad after all..pretty awesome actually...one step at a time:)

Kambakht Ishq!

Pondering over this situation in front of me..On one side m thrilled to see this friend of mine on cloud9 and all in love..And on the other,it sucks to see a friend in love with this same friend.. Among all the Hi-fives and the "I knew It!!!!" speeches i give,I cannot help but notice silent tears of another friend-a broken heart:(
dammn i hate seeing as much as being a part of these i like u bt u like xyz who likes abc who likes blaaaaah sequences..No fair man..No fair!!!

Nameless connection

This aint about some thing from a Computer Networks or Distributed Computing book(how i wish it were;))..This is in a way, is easier to many and harder to a few..I belong to the few:)..
Its not about the emotional shortcomings nor about the fear of trusting people nor about letting your guard down and give up the element of of control nor about allowing yourself to experience True love nor about letting your past mistakes freak you out nor about acknowledging your own emotions for a change..Or its probably about all of it or its all about running away-from love!!
This might make me sound like a moron for sure..But,il still say it..Its scary-this sense of belonging,this attachment,this closeness,the consequences..
Its scary but harder to stop myself from it.....................

No more TSEC..

A place that gives you so much-your degree( for starters),your first job,awesome friends, an infinite super huge bag full of memories-memories which u wouldn't wanna trade for anything else ever and a smile on your face when you just shut your eyes to reflect on them..That place is TSEC!

Heard Ashi and Vinoo talk about their TSEC days and it made no sense;the nostalgia and the emotion they spoke with!!Probably it wasn't supposed to make much sense back then when i was in school ,probably u gotta go through to know how it really feels.. But now I know why i was told-make the most of your TSEC days..This is the bestest place ever!! And i cannot agree any less:)

I feel like i am a part here-the faces,the rooms,the labs,the benches,the lounges,the teachers..they say when you stay in a place long enough you kinda become that place.And then,they also say that life has this knack of getting you out of your comfort zone every once in a while..And four years later i think its happening..One month later I am gonna be out of here.. No more lectures,no more practicals,no more journals,no more assignments,no more meeting those people everyday,no more grumbling when asked to show your Idcard at the gate,no more TSEC idcard no more the things i have cribbed about(strange,coz m prolly gonna miss them the most)...................No more TSEC!

Its all a waste

I take a step forward,conquering my fears and past...
And you take one backwards-scarring me for real!
I move an inch closer to the possibility of US..
And you walk off,coz of reasons so unreal..
I have imagined us together-
Holding hands,living our lives..It fits perfect!
Thought you were gonna be there in it and its forever..
But, now i see me lying here all alone instead..
When you said,You'd wait..
I thought it meant it was true..
Now,here i am cursing myself for hoping for and believing in 'Me and You'!
Its hard to speak of feelings..
Its something i need to learn to do..
But,the silence aint a cold shoulder..
Thought that you'd definitely figure!
I've made a few mistakes-wrong choices in my past..
Only to wish i had the courage to tell you that long before this day..
Was naive not to know your value..
How could i nt know..Ive loved you longer than today!